A loss is a loss...

I'm not sure where or how to start this post... So I will just start with the news.

We lost our baby yesterday, at 11 weeks and 2 days.

We are sad. And emotional. And we miss our baby.

 I have fed, loved, planned, and prayed for this baby everyday for the past (almost) 3 months and it's hard to know that he is no longer growing in there. BUT we are greatful that he is with our Jesus and that we will see him again! He has other brothers/sisters with him there and I know that my babies, and all the other babies taken home early, are perfect, happy, and healthy there!

In the past 24 hours we have had an OUTPOURING of love from friends, family, and our sweet midwife. They have offered their love, prayers, to take our kids for the day, and anything else they can do to help! I am so greatful for the support and can feel the Holy Spirit healing our hearts like only he can. Abigail is doing ok (she is recovering from strep throat, but emotionally is doing good.) Jaxon has been the sweetest, most snugly baby boy, and doesn't want to leave my side. In fact, he is laying with his head on my lap as I type this, pretty uncharecteristic! I think he senses something isn't quite right, and wants to take care of his mommy, and I am loving it :)

I don't regret telling everyone early, because I know that I did everything in my power to have this child covered in prayer by most everyone that we know. I have no what ifs, only peace in knowing that my God works all things together for good, and faith in his perfect plan and perfect timing for our lives. We feel confident that we will be blessed with a healthy baby and pregnancy soon!

“My grace is suffienct for you, my power is made perfect in your weakness.” 

2 Corinthians 12:9

10 weeks!

Finally there is a little bit of a bump to document!

How big is baby this week? The size of a prune

Due Date: June 28th, 2012

Weight Gain: Do we have to talk about that? We just hit the 3.5 lb mark...which is strange because obviously a prune doesn't way 3.5 lbs. I can think of a couple of other places that weight might be going.

Symptoms: Today and yesterday my nausea has been pretty infrequent, which is a nice change.

Cravings: Lots of fruit. And grits in the morning, yummm.

I am loving: Seeing a little bump! He's in there somewhere!

Sleep: Ehh, ok. I wake up at least 4 times a night but when I'm asleep I am out cold, so that's good news!

I miss: Being able to go into Abbie's room. The smell of the paint plus all of her little girly perfumes have kept me and my nausea out of there for weeks now. We moved prayer time to Mommy and Daddy's room, which is actually kind of nice!

I am looking forward to: My midwife appointment tomorrow! And this bump getting bigger so it's more obviously a baby bump and less likely perceived as a beer belly. 

I'm spazzing about: Being able to go into labor w/out induction this time. I'm afraid my body doesn't know how!

Best thing about this week: My baby boy turned 3 yesterday, and my love was off work to celebrate with us!

Milestones: All vital organs are fully developed! Pretty big accomplishment!

Movement: Not yet, maybe in a few weeks. That would be a PERFECT Christmas gift!

It's a...:  ?

Exercise: We walk every day to pick Abbie up from school, but after today's sermon on gluttony and making our body a temple for the Lord, I will be trying to get some more movement in!

Diet: Lots of fruits, and cheese. I went through a peanut butter and beef jerky phase a few weeks ago and now  that sounds disgusting. So we will see how long fruits and cheese lasts!

Other goals: Just remembering that this baby is the Lords, not my own. He is in his hands, and not mine! Repeating this to myself, about every 5 minutes, when worries and fears start creeping in.